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Below are stories that visitors to this site have chosen to share concerning the experiences that they have had meeting, flirting, and falling in love over the internet. It has been surprising to me to see the wide differences in ages, experiences, and advice left here. I hope that you can benefit from those experiences, because everyone that has been kind enough to share has left a part of themselves here to help you see what they have faced and what you could be facing should you chose to go the route that they did. That's not always easy, as I'm sure you know.
Date: 03/27/02 Name: chinlady Email: Age: 61 Dated-online-before: Yes Would-recommend-dating-online: It depends on the circumstances StoryIn October of 2001 I met this man through the personals on the internet. We corresponded for about 3 weeks and then he said he wanted to meet me. I liked him very much from his e-mails and so I agreed. We met in a restaurant and we seemed to be attracted to each other. He is from a town about 1-1/2 hours away from me and that didn't seem to be a problem for him. I gave him my phone number and I told him to call me if he is interested in meeting again. He called me that Saturday and told me he was going to be in town working and had a couple of free hours and would like to see me. I met him and we walked and talked and he seemed very nice. After that it seemed as though he never had time to see me. He would never call me, but send me e-mails and when he had free time we would meet. It usually was on a Monday, or Tuesday and only for 5 or 6 hours. We would meet and go to the beach, or a restaurant or the mall. He said he has the kind of job that he works 7 days a week and 12 hours a day. He works as a carpenter and builds the sceneries for the theaters, and I believed him. He then started to use sexual language over the internet, and I put a stop to that. Then I went away for 2 weeks during the Christmas holidays and we corresponded through e-mail, and he started telling me that I am starting to grow on him, and he is falling in love with me. He would send me romantic e-cards and tell me how much he wants to be with me. He told me that he is madly in love with me and wants a future with me. But, he is never available on week-ends and will see me every other Monday or Tuesday for 5 or 6 hours. We have only been together maybe 7 times but never for more than 5 or 6 hours, and never in the evenings or week-ends, yet he keeps saying he wants to get to know the girl he is in love with. I told him several times I can no longer wait for him to see me and this is not the relationship I want, but he keeps telling me to hang in there because he is worth it and that he won't always have to work like this, and he loves me and wants a future with me, and that I am the girl he has been waiting for all his life and I am a keeper and he doesn't want to lose me. We have never been intimate with each other although he talks alot about having sex with me. I am getting suspicious now, and have a feeling he is not separated from his wife. He told me some things about himself, but he never calls me on the telephone to talk, and everything is done via e-mail. I don't know where he lives. He did give me his cell phone number but not his home phone number. If he is not married, then I have a gut feeling that he is seeing other women or whatever. If a man doesn't have time for a relationship, why is he looking in the personals for women? I also think he could be living some kind of cyber fantasy with me. I don't understand this whole thing but I really have had enough and need to put an end to the whole fiasco.
StoryI would like to shared my personal story especially for women over 40. Yes, some of us over 40 feeling a bit like time is running out for us to catch a husband quick before we are 55. If you read the ads a lot of men in their 40's prefer women under 40. That can lead a women over 40 feeling a bit desperate. In my search through cyberspace I answer an ad to a guy my age who stated that he did not care about a woman's weight or age. This guy is also a business man and singer in Barbados. We hit it off right away and later I found out that this person is in the process of becoming a minister. Oh, Boy, was I so happy. A man that is also spiritual. This person asked for my hand in marriage and I was just thrilled. My friends that love me wasn't so thrilled because they felt that something was wrong with this guy. This guy called every day trans-oceanic to talk to me. We wrote countless emails and sent beautiful cards to each other. This person also told me about some of his not so good history of his past. He stated to me that he use to be a womanizer. But after years of empty relationships with women at the clubs he was very tired of that and has now changed and seek to experience a real loving relationship with one woman who will love him for just him and not for his social status. This man offer to take care of me and assure me that he was devoted to me.I begin to believe this after six months of everyday talking to each other. I could set my watch by him because he was home every night after work. I would call him also at random just to see and he was always at home. Well right before I was to go and meet this man in person a friend of mine did some checking. All she did was search the archives of the newspapers where he lives. This man is quite known in his country. What she found out was shocking! This man was a stripclub owner that exploited young girls. He was arrested for rape which was later dropped. But there were rumors that he paid the family to drop the charges. This man only turned from the King of Porn to becoming a minister after he was locked up in jail for a few nights. Now he plans to save souls and build a big chruch. I questioned him about this in which he admitted all was true (except the rape) but he is now changed. So I continue to communicate with this person even though I postponed my trip to Barbados. I later read in the paper in his country that this man was a sex addict. I did some research intensely on sexual addictions and what I found out described this person to the letter. Oh, by the way he admitted to being sexual addicted but he was changed. In my research I found that the person with a sexual addiction can withdraw from sex for very long periods of time (in trying to cure themselves of this mental illness) but they will have fantasy sex through the internet like writing poetry and engaging in a online romance but the person that has this addiction is still feeding their addiction just in another form. The person with a sexual addiction will even confess marriage and really be sincere but once a sexual addicted person is in a long-term relationship they will eventually get depress and start to seek another relationship. The very loving relationship in which a sexual addictive person seeks -- is the very thing (love& commitment) in which they "FEAR". A sexual addictive person seeks sex and/or relationships like a drug addict seeks drugs. Love is a "HIGH" for the sexual addictive person and once the thrill is gone which is soon after they become engaged in a committed relationship they have the need to start searching again for that "HIGH" which is love. A sexually addictive person will do every thing possible to get the object of his affections "hooked" into a relationship with them. Ironically, a person with this illness fear rejections and feeling alone. A person with this illness can be highly romantic -- more romantic than a person without this illness. Again, romance is their drug of choice. There are many people who have this addictions. It affect men more so than women. But there are women too with this mental illness. My advice is that since we are in this age of technology -- please use it in every way to learn about sexual addictions, romantic additions, narcissism, egoistic hedonism, internet addictions (yes we have internet addictions now), borderline personality disorder. Research this information. You never know if you will attract someone with some kind of disorder like the above. Hopefully, you won't. But you never know and at least you will be armed with some kind of knowledge and know exactly what you may be getting yourself into. And you don't have to attract a person on the net with this kind of sexual addictions because once I did this research on sexual addictions it also described one of my ex-lovers of many years who I did not meet on the net but in church! Ladies do be careful and not be over taken by your emotions. Read and learn about the pyschology of cyberspace romance. What you learn ahead of time just might save you a lot of trouble in the future. One more thing just because you may be over 40 DON'T SETTLE FOR JUST ANYTHING THAT COMES ALONG AND CONFESS LOVE AND MARRIAGE TO YOU!
StoryWe all have seen the ads in cyberspace. Everyone is looking for "LOVE." But are all of the thousands and thousands of people really looking for real "LOVE"? I don't think so! The internet is not bad in itself but some people can make the internet experience a very negative experience for the person of good virtues. A honest, sincere, person does not think in terms of hurting another or using another but sometimes a good person of good intelligence is the easiest to be fooled. Simply because they don't use others and when someone appear to be honest and sincere (a wolf in sheep clothing - beware!)this good person will take a person at their word if they seem to be sincere. Now back to are all of these people around the world really looking for "LOVE"? HELL NO! People who has some terrible issues like sex addictions, drug addictions, complusive spender or gambler, HIV/AIDES, or need Visa to come to the States, or they are having money problems and in debt up to their necks and this is only a few of the many ills that exists in our world. The point is that 99.9 percent of people are looking to fulfill a "NEED"!!!! Including the person reading this, you have a need rather it is emotional, sexual, financially or even spiritual, we all have NEEDS. The problem is that we say we are looking for love when we are looking to fulfill our needs which is nothing wrong with that. Just know that while you are trying to fulfill your need someone else may have a much more bigger need. The need to really use you to attain their own personal agenda and as soon as that agenda is attain then that person takes off, leaving you high and dry and maybe even broke. I will share my personal story which I will make short. I was lonely, been divorced for a year and sought to find love via internet. I signed up with Dreammates and answer a ad to a person who lives in another country. My need was, I was lonely and need a man who will be committed to me and want marriage with me. The man that I met went through hell and high water (literally) just to send me emails daily and to call me on the telephone. We talk for 10 months, he was quite respectful and considerate and ask for my hand in marriage which I accepted. This man has a sister here in the States in which he gave her my phone number with my permission and his sister and I talk for many weeks. His sister is married living here in the States with her husband. This guy and I started planning our life together. I started making arrangement for him to come to the States so we can be married. I received an email from someone who use to talk with him in cyberspace and met him through the same online dating service. Apparently he had accidently forward her one of my emails with my email address. Her letter stated that this man is trying to marry a American woman in order to live in America and be reunited with his wife here. She also gave me email addresses to other women who he has a cyberspace romance with and asked these ladies to marry him and get him to the United States. I was lucky because I was going gong ho all out to marry this man because he seem so sincere and had to go through so much trouble in his country just to use the computer to communicate with me. So people reading this "BEWARE OF WOLVES IN SHEEP CLOTHING !!! Keep in mind while you may be really looking for love someone may be looking for something else and as Tina Turner sings "Whats Love Got to Do With It?"
StoryThis story is about a friend of mine. We will call her(alias) Jane Doe. Jane is somewhat of a recluse to be a young woman in her twenties. She became lonely and eventually started interacting with a guy on the internet. This interaction with this guy went on for one year. After one year of weekly emails, and talks on the phone. Jane felt safe enough to meet him at a well known very busy upscale restaurant. At the restaurant he displayed the utmost in kindness, consideration, gentleness, warm, and friendly personality. He even made her laugh which is something hard to do with Jane. After dinner, Jane was going to catch a cab home when he offered her a ride home. Well, since she had talk with him for a year and when she met him in person she really liked him so she accepted. This man drove in a dark alley and beat and rape Jane then threw her beaten body out of the car in the alley. Jane has not been the same since. She is in therapy but she is afraid of even leaving her home now. I used to talk with stranger on the internet but now I am afraid to do so after what happen to my friend. You would think after a year of talking with someone and never caught them in a lie you could reasonably think that the person is okay. But a psychopath has long patience to wait until he catches a women off guard. Jane did ever thing she knew to do to be careful but she did not have him investigated before meeting him. She should have paid a professional investigater to check him out completely. She made her mistake when she let her guard down and got in the car with him thinking at that point it was safe to do so. Women please be careful and don't let your guard down even after one year of interacting with someone by internet.
StoryA year ago I met one of the most incedible ppl I have ever encountered; online. I went into an excite chat room (something I hardly ever did) and met Ali. We quickly became good friends who chatted for hours everyday. We slowly began to learn more and more about each other in a completly friendly way. Soon those feelings changed into something a little more and we were able to confide that to each other. We talk as much as possible on the net, through phone calls and snail mail. He is a unique and beautiful person both physically and emotinally. We have bridged language, cultural, and international gaps. He lives in Morrco, is Arabic and a practicing Muslim. I live in the United States, speak nothing but English and am a practicing Wiccan. None of those "barriers" seem to matter in our relationship, were content to know each other as individuals not by a "brand given by society". I am just beginning a four year enlistment in the US. Army and though it's often hard and we realize this puts "our" future on the back burner our love continues to grow more and more with every passing day. We will be meeting each other in Paris this November. (wish me luck!!) My advice to anyone is follow you heart, if it feels right to you then go with it. We all have to live with and for ourselves. Never let anyone but you control your destiny.
StoryI hope my story is one of a kind. I would not wish this on anyone. In December 1999 I met who I thought to be the man of my dreams online. I placed a personal ad hoping to find that special man. We chatted online for about a month and then decided to meet at a local Starbuks. The moment I met him I knew he would be the one for me... Or so I thought. This man was a very successful business man who lived a very attractive life style. He took me to the classiest places in the Seattle area. We fell in love very fast. It was a very passionate relationship unlike anything I had every known. After a few months of dating him I found I was pregnat with his baby. He assured me it would be alright and that we would be together so I should not stress out. He hired a morgage broker in order to find a home... We looked at 100,000,000 homes with what I thought was the intention to buy. When I was 4 months pregnant my world crashed. I found out that this man had also been dating other women on the net and to top it all of he was also married and had been for 18 years. I was devestated. I moved back to my home town to be close to my family. Like a fool I forgave him and continued to see him when he would come to see the baby and myself. In October of 2001 I found out that he had cheated on me once again the year prior as I was giving birth to our son. The woman he cheated with he had also met on the net. He is a very wealthy player so beware of him. He goes by different screen names and Don't be surprised Ladies if he has answered one of your ads. Beware of greatguy2635@hotmail and many other names... Well I now have a wonderful 18 month old son yet his father has not seen him in 8 months... Don't let this happen to you. I am not against meeting someone on the internet just be aware of the red flags... If he does not have you over to his home.. if you do not have a home phone number and just the cell number, if you do not know his address... most likely he is a married man...
StoryI answered an ad for a pen-pal in September of 2000. She had just visited NYC and wanted to hear from someone in the area. She lives in British Columbia where I had just visited in the summer of 2000. We had so much in common that it was easy to find things to talk about. We are both runners and we like to workout. Just talking about races we ran helped us motivate each other. We also gave each other support when we needed it. Both of us were renovating an old house, so we knew what each other was going through. Then in December of 2001 she wrote that this relationship was so special to her and that she would like to see me the next time she came to NYC. When I read her email I realized just how special she was to me. In March 2002 we exchanged phone numbers. I called her about two weeks later and when I heard her voice it was like magic. We traded pictures and decided that we wanted to meet. In April I flew out to see her for a long weekend and it turned out to be the best weekend of our lifes. In May I flew out again and we both say it was the second best weekend. We are both cautious people but the more time we've had together the more we want to be together. She cried both times when she took me to the airport. I am so in love with her that I can hardly bear us being apart. We talk on the phone three or more hours a day but being apart just gets harder. I know I have found the love of my life.
StoryWell I just met this guy last year in February of 2001. We met through a chat room and instantly became online buddies. He sent me a picture of him and I really didn't think anything of him (he was cute though) until we talked some more and I started falling for him because he was unlike any other guy that I ever knew. We still talk to each other and I'm still in love with although he doesn't know yet. When the time is right, I will tell him. I don't want to rush into this just yet even though it's not a real online-relationship. I just want to keep things the way they are:)
StoryI would like an update on a story that a women posted on here awhile back. It was a story about Tony. Her name was Shell. If your reading please let us know what's going on in your life and update on Tony. Please?
StoryCheck out our website on www.loydnet.com/shanamichael
StoryBack in lateish 1999, i was in a chat room, when this guy started talking to me, we chatted for about an hour & he asked me to go out with him. i immediately told him 'no' because i didnt know him. anyway when i left the chat room i we hadn't arranged to meet again so i figured we'd never talk again. but somehow, we kept on bumping into each other in the online chat rooms and we exchanged mobile telephone numbers and txt messages, i remember he kept on asking me out and each time i kept saying no, (i was 16 and he was 14) eventually, after his continuous asking i just said yeah. we met in the chat room allmost every night, and after about 3 months of online talking i plucked up the courage to phone him, i fell inlove with his voice instantly. it was like i knew his personality, i knew what he looked like, i knew how he sounded, but i didnt know what it was like to touch or feel him.. like holding hands... after 6 months of speaking on the phone, we met in person on may 6th 2000. i took a friend along with me just incase he wasn't who he said he was but fortunately everyword was true! and boy! his picture didnt do him justice! that was over two years ago now, we see each other everyweekend, he comes to stay at my house my parents adore him and he adores me! i cant remember what my life was like without him. i feel SO lucky that we live so close to each other. we both live in the UK and he live about an hours drive away - i'm really fortunate in that respect. One of my friends has met his girlfriend through the internet. he lives in the UK she lives in the states - how he copes i'll never know! but he's been to see her 3 times... It just goes to show that well, although the internet may not be the most safest or conventional way of meeting somebody, but if it's meant to be it's gonna happen. SO long as you are careful i dont see what the problem is. I have got many great buddies online.... someof them are my bestest friends, but the best of all is my boyfriend, and i wouldn't ever be without him!
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